Chapter 5
It was Monday morning… A week to go before the school festival starts, and yet the school was
still surrounded by a relaxed atmosphere. Does this school even plan to hold a school festival at
all? Shouldn't it be a bit livelier? Since the atmosphere is just too laid back, even I’m feeling
unmotivated. And there were things that would make me become even more unmotivated as I
approached the classroom.
Koizumi was waiting outside my classroom. You've already said so much yesterday. You still
have more?
"Class 1-9 has already begun rehearsals for their play. Of course, I was merely walking by."
Your girly face was the last thing I wanted to see this early in the morning.
"What is it now? Don't tell me, that stupid dimension has finally appeared?"
"No, yesterday, it didn’t appear at all. It seems Suzumiya-san was so busy being depressed that
she didn't have the time to be frustrated."
Why?
"You should know... Since you don't seem to understand, then let me explain it to you.
Suzumiya-san has always thought that no matter what happened, you would be her only
companion. Even if you were to complain, you would still support her. No matter what she did,
only you could accept her."
What are you talking about? The only ones who could accept her behavior were the Saints who
have sacrificed in the name of the Lord. Let me state this for the record, I'm neither a saint, nor a
great leader, I'm just an ordinary person armed with common sense.
"What's going on between you and Suzumiya-san?"
What do you mean, what's going on between us?
"Could you please cheer her up? The pigeons are cute now, if Suzumiya-san continues to be this
depressed, the shrine pigeons might turn into something that wouldn't resemble pigeons at all."
"Like what?"
"If I knew, I wouldn't be this troubled. It wouldn't be a pretty sight if the shrine were crawling
with slimy tentacled creatures all over the place, would it?"
"Try spreading some salt."
"This doesn't solve the root of the problem. Right now Suzumiya-san is in Limbo; she has been
actively trying to improve her situation through the making of her movie. But since she got into a
quarrel with you yesterday, her energy is now being channeled in the other direction - from
positive to negative. It would have been manageable if it had it ended right there, but if this were
to continue, things might become complicated."
"So, you're asking me to console her?"
"It's not that hard, is it? All you need to do is make up with her."
What do you mean make up with her? I've never gotten along well with her before.
"Huh? I've always thought you were a calm and reasonable person. Could I have been
mistaken?"
I kept silent.
The reason I was so mad at her yesterday was because I couldn't stand the sight of her bullying
Asahina-san... Sort of… Or maybe I was calcium deficient. So, last night, I drank a whole liter of
milk and surprisingly, my temper had eased a lot by the time I woke up this morning. However,
milk is just a form of sedative.
Anyway, why should I swallow my pride and console her? No matter which way you look at it,
it's hard to dismiss that this girl has gone too far.
Koizumi began to purr like a kitty cat starting to nibble on its food, and patted me on the
shoulder,
"I'm counting on you because, in terms of distance, you are the closest person."
As long as I didn't turn around, I wouldn't make any eye contact with Haruhi sitting behind me.
Today, Haruhi seemes to be paying rather special attention to the sky, as she spent most of the
time looking out of the window, and this lasted until lunchtime.
For some reason, even Taniguchi was full of shit today,
"What kind of movie was that? I don't even know why I wasted my time coming!"
During lunch, Taniguchi cursed as he munched on his lunch. Haruhi is usually away from the
classroom during this time, and today was no exception. He wouldn't be saying such things if she
were around. He's the sort of coward that only speaks out loud when it's safe.
"This is all Suzumiya's fault. This is going to be a crappy movie, I'm sure of it!"
I really wouldn't give a damn about anyone's opinion. I don't consider myself a great leader, and
I don't intend to leave my name in the annals of history. I'm just a small character standing in a
corner and mumbling by myself. I excel at finding the most minor fault within my mom's
cooking, even though I can't cook myself.
But this was something where I had to make myself clear, so I spoke,
"The last thing I want to hear is you complaining."
Taniguchi, what have you ever done? At least Haruhi took part in the school festival and tried
her best to do something, though she would end up giving us a lot of trouble. But at least she's
way better than those idiots that do nothing but complain all day. You moron! You ought to
apologize to all the Taniguchis in Japan, for all your namesakes out there, you're nothing but a
disgrace to them!
"Forget it, Kyon."
Kunikida tried to mediate,
"He's just venting his frustration. Actually we'd like to hang out more with Suzumiya-san. We're
really envious of you, Kyon."
"Like hell we are," Taniguchi said glaring at Kunikida, "I'm not joining that idiotic club."
"That's odd coming from you, just who was it that agreed to come right away when asked to?
Weren't you feeling giddy yesterday? You even canceled your original plans for the day."
"Stop picking on me, dumbass!"
So that's why Taniguchi is so pissed. He specifically canceled all his plans for that day, just so he
could enthusiastically come help as an extra, but he barely appeared in one shot and even ended
up nearly drowning. I see, he does deserve some sympathy, but I didn't feel like sympathizing
with him now because I am just as pissed.
I knew better than everyone else that Haruhi's movie was too stupid to be watched by anyone,
because she only knows how to charge forward without thinking of consequences. Since we only
filmed whatever she came up with, there was no script to speak of. Only a genius could turn this
movie into a success. And in my opinion, Haruhi doesn't really have talent as a director, but if
people start to criticize her because of that... Wait, why am I so angry with that?
"Kyon, Suzumiya-san seems to be in a worse mood than usual, did something happen?"
I listened to Kunikida's question while thinking.
I was the same as Taniguchi. All I ever did was follow whatever she said, and then curse at her
behind her back. I sense a bit of myself when observing this guy. Sometimes cursing at Haruhi,
sometimes feeling helpless... That was my job. But it was a job that can only be done by me, and
no one else
I was feeling so frustrated that even the food tasted bland. I feel sorry for my mom who made
this lunch for me. Damn it, Taniguchi, you idiot. If you hadn't said some useless stuff, I wouldn't
be doing things that I would later regret.
Just what have I done?
I closed the lid of my lunchbox and bolted out of the classroom.
Haruhi was in the clubroom, connecting the video camera to the computer; she seemed to be
working on something. She looked up in shock when I suddenly opened the door. Was that a
curry bun she was holding in her left hand?
She frantically threw the bun away, then put her hand behind her hair... I think. At this point her
hair opened up. I don't know why she did that, as if she was trying to quickly untie the hair that
she had tied up behind her head. I didn't notice it too carefully, since I could think about that
later. I then said what I needed to be say to her,
"Hey, Haruhi."
"What?"
Haruhi went into defensive mode, looking like a kitten. I said to that face of hers,
"We need to make this movie a success!"
That’s what they call impulse, right? A person like me would probably go emotional about twice
a year, because of this, I was angry yesterday. The timing was just perfect. And today, this
impulse was caused by Koizumi's ambiguous words and Taniguchi's stupid face. Not to mention
Haruhi looking melancholic made me very frustrated and uneasy. If I had let these feelings build
up inside of me, I'd have probably ended up smashing the classroom window, so I had to do
away with these feelings right now. Why must I justify whatever I do?
"Hmph."
Haruhi then said boastfully,
"Of course we will. After all, I'm the director. Success is already guaranteed. I don't need you to
state the obvious."
Such a simple person. Just when I had thought she was beginning to show some gentle feelings
worthy of praise. Yet the enigmatic light within Haruhi's eyes was once again reignited with
flames of confidence. I have no idea where she gets her fuel. She’s just too simple. She’s like an
RPG boss that keeps casting regenerative spells on herself, but I couldn't care less. She needs to
be more balanced. She should finish off the players in one blow and quickly bring out the "Game
Over" screen... What am I talking about? Ah yes, those sort of pressure-reducing games just don't
exist. I'm not sure what this means, since it has no meaning to begin with, but anyway, I don't
like seeing Haruhi looking depressed, and I don't want to see her like that again. She was made
to run aimlessly in those marathons that are endless, pointless, and without destination. It’s
just… If she were to suddenly stop in her tracks, she might subconsciously do something totally
unnecessary, that’s all.
...That was about what I was thinking then.
That same day, after school…
"Couldn't you have said it better?" Koizumi said.
"I'm sorry." I replied.
"Though you have indeed raised her spirits, I had wished you would have expressed it... without
raising further obstacles."
"...Sorry."
"Instead of things going back to normal, the situation has now become even more extreme."
"..."
"There's no way we can conceal this."
Koizumi looked at me with his deep-colored eyes as I contemplate. He didn't sound like he was
blaming me, but his voice sounded very melancholic. Is that so? Things have become worse, and
it looks like it's because of me.
Why's that? How should I know?
There were cherry blossoms everywhere. This was the cherry blossom path by the riverside,
where Asahina-san revealed her true identity to me. Let us reconfirm the season again: it is
autumn right now. There were still some remnants of summer within the air, but normally,
Japanese cherry blossoms usually bloom in spring. It is usually acceptable if a flower blossoms
earlier than its usual season, but to blossom half a year early was way too ridiculous. Were the
cherry blossoms going as crazy as the sun itself?
Under the falling cherry blossom petals, only Haruhi had her engines fired up. Wearing her tight
waitress costume, Asahina-san wavered and walked aimlessly. Was it because she was unsettled
by the flowers blossoming in the wrong season?
"I never thought things would go my way so easily. I was just thinking of filming a scene full of
cherry blossoms! This rare meteorological event sure is coincidental!"
Haruhi spouted out, while making Asahina-san stand in all sorts of poses.
It was impossible after all. Whenever people do something impulsively, it is always their future
selves that suffer. It feels like I have continually been learning this lesson for the past six months.
And I wasn't meditating on, "I should've done that," but rather, "I shouldn't have done that." A
very negative thought indeed. Someone give me a gun! A real gun! Not a toy gun!
The cherry blossom trees seemed to start blossoming after noon, and the petals started to fall by
evening. The local television station even reported this as a rare event, how I wish they would
just think of this as a one-off freak incident. Just blame it all on the abnormal events caused by
the climate change of recent years, OK?
"That's what Suzumiya-san seems to think."
Koizumi said while walking shoulder to shoulder with Asahina-san. The sight of Koizumi, with
his superficial good looks, and Asahina-san, who is genuinely pretty, standing together is enough
to enrage all the males in this world. I was certainly feeling pissed by this.
Nagato had no comment about the petals floating about, as she carried her usual blank expression
and stared at the petals, whose biological clocks were completely messed up. The pink petals
landed on her black cloak, creating a strong contrasting effect. Does she know about the
pigeons?
"That's right! Let's grab a cat!"
Haruhi said, suddenly.
"A sorceress ought to have a familiar, and what better than a cat? Where can we find a black cat?
And we need a good looking one as well."
Hang on, wasn't Nagato supposed to be an evil alien magician?
"What's the difference? Let's go! That's what I've visualized anyway. Where can we find a cat?"
"In the pet store of course!"
Surprisingly Haruhi made a compromise after hearing my casual suggestion,
"A wild cat would do. We probably need to borrow and return one from the pet store. It's too
bothersome. Is there an empty patch of land where we can find wild cats? Yuki, do you know?"
"Yes."
Nagato nodded slightly, then she began to walk as though leading us to the Promised Land like a
religious leader. What else does Nagato not know? If I asked her where the wallet I lost five
years ago was, she would probably tell me, since it contained all the wealth I had then, which
was about 500 Yen.
About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the back of the deluxe apartment block where Nagato
lived. There was a well-trimmed lawn surrounded by trees, which obscures the view from the
outside. A few cats were gathered there, they looked like wild cats, but they weren't afraid of
people. When I walked towards them, they didn't try to run away, maybe they thought we were
going to feed them? Some of them even purred under our legs. Haruhi picked up one of the cats
and said,
"Aren't there any black cats? All right, we'll use this cat then!"
It was a spotted cat, not to mention it's male. Yet Haruhi had no idea how much of a pedigree
this cat had, and she wasn't in awe by the cat she had randomly picked up.
"Here Yuki, this is your partner. Get along well with him."
Nagato received the cat with a blank expression as though she'd received a tissue pack
distributed by those street salesmen, and the cat also carried a blank expression as it was carried
over to her hands.
Filming started right away, and as this was the rear of an apartment block, location no longer
seemed to be a concern in making this movie. My camera was already stuffed with scenes that
just came out of the director's mind from time to time. I'm not in charge of editing all these
broken scenes into a coherent story, am I?
"Yuki, attack Mikuru-chan!"
At Haruhi's command, Nagato knelt in an odd manner and turned into a black mage with a cat on
her left shoulder. No matter how one looked, the cat just looked too heavy. It was good that the
cat obediently clung onto Nagato's shoulder, but Nagato's whole body was tilted to one side as a
result. She even tried her best to keep her balance to prevent the cat from falling off. She
maintained this unnatural stance while waving her wand towards Asahina-san,
"Take this."
I believe incredible beams would be emitted from Nagato's wand in this scene, right?
"...Kyaa!"
Asahina-san yelled as though suffering from excruciating pain.
"And, cut!"
Haruhi shouted satisfactorily, and I stopped the recording at once, while Koizumi placed down
the reflector board he was carrying.
"I want that cat to talk. He is the cat of a magician after all. He needs to at least say something
mean."
Now this is ridiculous.
"Your name is Shamisen. Hey, Shamisen! Say something!"
How is he supposed to talk? No, actually, I beg you, please don't speak.
Perhaps my prayers were answered, as the cat with the ominous name Shamisen didn't start
speaking Japanese, but instead licked his tail and totally ignored Haruhi's command. This was
natural, but I still breathed a sigh of relief.
"Everything is going according to plan."
Haruhi reviewed the footage taken today and smiled happily, it's as though her depression this
morning never happened at all. It was good that she cheered up so quickly, and for once I was
impressed with her.
"Kyon, you're in charge of looking after the cat."
Haruhi folded her director's chair and gave me this unreasonable command,
"Take good care of him when you bring him home, because we still need him for further filming.
Tame him well! Teach him a trick by tomorrow, like jumping through a fire hoop or something."
If the cat can obediently cling onto Nagato's shoulders, then I guess it should be clever enough
for that, right?
"That's it for today, tomorrow will be the final day of shooting! Filming today went smoothly,
the story's about to enter its climax, and everyone's managed to maintain their spirits! Go get
some rest, we'll need that spirit for tomorrow as well!"
Haruhi waved her loudspeaker and dismissed us, then went home on her own while humming the
ending theme to "Blade."
"Phew..."
Both Asahina-san and I sighed, Koizumi placed the reflector board under his arms and prepared
to leave, while Nagato stared blankly at Shamisen like an inkless pen.
I knelt down and caressed the cat's head,
"Thanks for the hard work. Maybe I'll buy some cat food for you, or would you prefer dried
fish?"
"I'm fine either way."
A clear male baritone voice said the above sentence, and it wasn't spoken by anyone here. I saw
Koizumi and Asahina-san looking stunned, then turned to look at Nagato's poker face. They all
had their sights fixed on one place - my feet.
There by my feet stood the cat, who looked up at me with his round black eyes wide open.
"Hey!" I said, "Did you just speak, Nagato? I wasn't asking you. I was asking the cat."
"That's what I thought as well, so I answered you. Did I say something wrong?"
So said the cat…
"Now that took me by surprise…"
Koizumi said.
"It's too shocking, a cat actually speaking…"
Asahina-san said.
"..."
Nagato remained silent as she picked up Shamisen, who then spoke,
"I don't understand why you're so shocked."
He said while clinging his paws onto Nagato's shoulders.
A demon cat... Is that what cats become after living for a few years?
"I'm not sure myself. The concept of time does not concern me. What is the present? What is the
past? I have no interest in that."
It was already amazing that he could speak, but little did we expect him to say such abstract stuff
as well. Now don't be getting cocky, you're just a fur ball. I wonder if we should auction off
Shamisen on the internet?
"For you, I probably have made sounds that sound like human speech, but aren't parrots the
same? From what did you deduce that I have made sounds that conveyed literal meaning?"
What the hell are you talking about?
"From this conversation, since you have precisely answered my question."
"Maybe the sounds that I made just happened to match the nature of your question."
"If that's the case, then wouldn't that mean the conversations human beings make with each other
are all meaningless?"
Why on earth am I having a serious conversation with a cat? Shamisen the wild cat licked his
front paws and rubbed under his ears and said,
"Exactly. You may have carried out what seemed like a conversation with that lady, but no one is
sure if both of you have conveyed what each of you wanted to say,"
Shamisen said with his deep voice.
"That's because each person may or may not say what's in their heart depending on the situation,"
Koizumi replied.
You shut up!
"Now that you mention it... It does make sense," Asahina-san said.
I'm sorry, could you please not agree with the cat as well?
I examined every other cat on the lawn, besides Shamisen, all the other cats made a "meow" or
"purr" noise. Seems like it's just this cat that has gained the ability to utter human languages.
How can this be?
I examined every other cat on the lawn, besides Shamisen, all the other cats made a "meow" or "purr"
noise. Seems like it's just this cat that has gained the ability to utter human languages.
It's all that stupid girl's fault.
"Looks like things have taken a turn for the worse."
Koizumi elegantly sipped his mocha and continued,
"It seems we have underestimated Suzumiya-san,"
"What do you mean?" Asahina-san asked in a lowered voice.
"The movie world created by Suzumiya-san has begun to become a part of this reality. The
movie contents that she visualized, have manifested themselves into this world, and have become
a part of our reality. Like how Asahina-san could fire lasers or how the cat could talk. If she
suddenly says, 'I want to film a scene of a giant meteorite falling to Earth,' it might just happen."
Right now, besides Haruhi, the other four members of the SOS Brigade were now gathered
inside the cafe in front of the station. Koizumi had proposed an emergency meeting to deal with
Haruhi, a plan to which we all agreed. It looks like things are getting serious. At first glance, we
seemed like a bunch of high school students gathering together while chatting merrily (though it
was only Koizumi that smiled merrily), but what we were actually doing sounded like a bunch of
suspicious villains plotting to stop the Defender of Justice from using her ultimate attack. By the
way, we let Shamisen wait at the grass lawn outside, and we specifically told him not to talk to
anyone, or even respond to anyone's questions. The cat did not look displeased, and merely said,
"Okay." He then sat quietly by the shade of the tree by the roadside and watched us leave.
"What's going to happen from now on...?"
Asahina-san said, looking very concerned. The poor girl seemed very troubled, since she has
been permanently scarred mentally by Haruhi's movie. Nagato maintained her blank expression
and was still dressed all in black.
Koizumi slowly sipped his warm milk coffee and said,
"All I know is, we can't leave Suzumiya-san unattended like that,"
I swallowed the ice water in one gulp, since I've already finished drinking my glass of apple tea,
"So aren't we supposed to find a way to stop Haruhi?"
"Who else can stop her from making this movie? I don't have the confidence to."
Neither did I.
Once the engine is started, as long as Haruhi doesn't turn it off, she would go on non-stop. She
would be like a dead fish if she ever stopped. If we trace her ancestral bloodline, we could
probably find traces of tuna and bonito DNA in it.
Nagato doesn't seem to be even thinking as she silently drank her almond tea. Maybe she really
wasn't thinking, or maybe because she understood everything, there was no need to think further,
it's even possible that she simply isn't good at talking. After spending six months with her, I still
find it hard to figure out what she's thinking.
"What about you, Nagato? What do you think of this?"
"..."
Nagato placed her cup onto the tray without making a sound, then smoothly turned her head to
look at me and said,
"Unlike last time, Suzumiya Haruhi will not disappear from this world."
Her voice is so cool and crisp.
"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity deduces that this is enough."
Koizumi placed a hand elegantly over his forehead and said,
"But that would be troublesome for us."
"Not for us. We look forward to seeing changes in our observation subject."
"Is that so?"
Koizumi quickly decided to ignore Nagato from then on and turned back towards me,
"Then, which genre should we classify Suzumiya-san's movie as?"
Sigh, once again he has spoken in an ambiguous way.
"The structure of the story can be divided into three forms. First, it could occur within a certain
framework. Second, it could break through this framework and create a new framework. Third, it
could repair the broken framework back to its original state."
As expected, he began his lengthy speech in Martian, which would lead people to think, "What
the hell is he talking about?" Asahina-san, you don't have to seriously listen to his bullshit!
"As we exist within this framework, if we want to understand our world, we need to think
rationally, or grasp it through observation."
What on earth is this "framework" then?
"Try thinking about this 'reality' we are in now. This world is such that we can exist in our
current state. Conversely, the movie that Suzumiya-san is making is fiction to us."
Isn't that obvious?
"The real problem now is that things that only exist in the fictional world have now affected our
'reality.'"
The eyes of Wonder Mikuru, the pigeons, the cherry blossom, and the cat.
"We must stop the fictional world from creeping further into our reality."
I always felt Koizumi looked rather enthusiastic whenever he's talking about this stuff, he looked
quite cheerful. To counter that, I decided to put out a gloomy face.
"The making of this movie has acted as a filter for Suzumiya-san to manifest her powers. To
prevent this, we must let Suzumiya-san realize that 'this is all fiction.' Because right now, she has
unwittingly blurred the lines between fiction and reality."
You sure sound excited about this!
"We must find a rational way to prove that things from the fictional world aren't real. We must
make sure this movie is completed in a reasonable way."
"So how are we going to normalize the fact that a cat can now talk?"
"Normalize isn't the correct term. Because in this way, a world will be created where cats could
talk. In our 'reality,' cats can't talk. If no one finds anything wrong with a talking cat, then the
consequences could be dire, because in our world it is simply impossible for cats to talk."
"Then what about aliens, time travelers and espers? Is their existence just a possibility?"
"Well, of course, since they are existing right now. In our world, this is a very normal thing,
though the catch is that we mustn't let Suzumiya-san know about this."
Really?
"Let's assume our world to be an object observed from afar. If she believes the 'real world' to be
what you once used to believe it to be, a world without supernatural phenomena - where aliens,
time travelers and espers don't exist - then this 'reality' we're in would be a totally fictional
world."
So is this the true face of God you've been talking about?
"But that is what is observed from afar. You have learned first-hand that supernatural phenomena
do, in fact, exist in this world - which includes Nagato-san and myself. Since we're here, you can
only accept this fact within the confines of this world. I'm sure you have a different view of the
world than you had one year ago."
Perhaps I would be happier if I never knew this fact.
"How should I put it? Hmm, I can confirm this. Right now Suzumiya-san's status is just like how
you were in the past. In other words, she still hasn't changed how she views this reality. She may
talk a lot about it, but deep inside she doesn't believe that supernatural phenomena actually exist.
Let's take what she has seen as an example; she has treated the appearance of Sealed Dimension
and 'Avatars' as a dream. As dreams are fictional, the 'reality' of this world gets to be
maintained."
That's what we've been working hard to maintain all the time.
"Right, therefore there's no doubt that fiction can be manifested into reality. If Suzumiya-san
treats these occurrences as 'fact,' then the talking cat would be incorporated into this 'reality.' As
it would be strange in this world for cats to talk, in order to allow talking cats to become part of
'reality,' the world would have to be reconstructed. Does Suzumiya-san want to create a world
where cats can talk? I don't think the world would reach the realm of science fiction completely,
since judging from her way of thinking, I don't think she would do something so troublesome.
Though it's also possible the world could become the stuff of science fiction at once, where no
reason is needed to explain why cats can talk. As long as 'talking cats' existed, that could be
enough for her. There would be no question as to 'why cats can talk,' since the world would
become a place where it's natural for cats to talk."
Koizumi put down his mocha and toyed with the edge of the mug with his fingers as he said,
"This would be problematic, as it would overthrow all the concepts already known to mankind.
In my own way, I respect how humans make observations and come to conclusions. Under this
method, it is impossible, without any external influences, to find a cat in this world that can talk
through mere observation alone. It is very strange to us for a talking cat to exist in this world."
Then how do you explain your existence? Aren't espers the same as talking cats?
"You're right. For this world, we're still an anomaly. Not confined to any known rules of this
reality. We only exist thanks to Suzumiya-san. This cat is the same, because Suzumiya-san
wishes to let him appear in this movie, which is why he exists. From what I can understand,
Suzumiya-san is trying to create a link with this reality and the fictional elements of the movie
she is trying to make."
Now is not the time to understand, now is the time to figure out what we should do!
"Which is why we need to categorize which genre this movie belongs to."
How I wish he wouldn't push so far. While it may be gratifying to show off one's ability to speak
lengthily, one ought to consider the feelings of the audience as well! Your long speech is just as
annoying as the ones the principal makes in the morning school assembly every week. Just look,
even Asahina-san has been looking perplexed since the beginning.
But Koizumi did not intend to stop here,
"If all this happened in the fictional world, then no explanation is needed as to why the cat could
talk or how Asahina-san could fire beams from her eyes. Since in that world, 'it's a matter of
fact.'"
I turned my gaze out of the window to make sure Shamisen was still there.
"But, if there is a reason for talking cats and the Mikuru Beam to exist, then from the moment it
existed, then it's possible that it would be discovered by someone. The reality where cats can talk
and where Asahina-san fires beams actually does exist, it's just that no one has noticed it yet - by
observation, its existence will eventually be proven. Yet at that moment, our whole world will
change completely. We would now need to readjust our knowledge of this world, from one
where paranormal events don't exist to one where they do exist, as the world we thought we once
knew has now become a fictional world."
I sighed deeply. Is there no way to shut this guy up?
So this is what you're trying to say: a sufficient reason is required to explain the existence of
talking cats. But if that's the case, how do you explain the existence of you, Nagato and Asahinasan?
Aren't you, along with the both of them, part of those supernatural phenomena?
"It's probably like that for you, no further explanation is needed. For you, the world has already
changed. Isn't the world you knew when you first entered high school different from the world
you know now? Your concept of reality has now changed for good. Haven't you been
encountering new realities? And haven't you confirmed that people like us really do exist?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"Let us return the subject to the movie itself, the movie Suzumiya-san is trying to make can
probably be classified into the science fiction genre. In this movie, no reason is needed to explain
why cats can talk or why Asahina-san and Nagato-san possess magical powers. It was enough
that way."
So, all we need to do is give some meaning to the existence of the demonic cat, the waitress from
the future and the evil alien magician?
"Not exactly, because by giving them their raison d'etre it would be bothersome for the outside
world. If the observer realizes that 'the world has changed' after watching the movie from
beginning to end, then their existence would be acknowledged, and the world will change into
one where it's not a big deal for cats to talk. I do not wish for the world to get any more
complicated than it is."
Neither do I. The only ones unbothered would be probably Nagato and her people, I guess.
"I said before that we need to decide the context of this movie, all we need to do is to just ask her
which direction this movie is going. The context should be such as to dispel all the questions
raised by the mysteries and paranormal events occurring within the movie, and through a
reasonable ending, it should pull the distorted world back into its original form. There is one
context that allows the world to be resurrected when it is about to end, and is able to find a
reasonable answer to all sorts of mysterious events."
What context is that?
"The deduction context, especially through basic deduction. Once we have made such a context,
all surreal scenes could be dealt with by people saying 'I don't believe this,' and the paranormal
events would be ignored easily. All we need to do then is just make it look like the talking cat
and Asahina-san's lethal beams are some sort of elaborate hoax, and our reality would remain
intact, am I right?"
The cafe waitress was rather troubled by Asahina-san's costume, yet she pretended not to see that
while collecting our empty glasses. Koizumi waited till she left, then continued,
"Obviously, a talking cat is beyond the confines of common sense, yet the talking cat does exist.
In other words, things that are not supposed to exist have now appeared. For our world, this is a
very inconvenient fact."
He flicked the water droplets on his glass with his finger and said,
"In order to solve this problem, the movie must have a reasonable ending. One that is
theoretically acceptable by everyone - or rather, by Suzumiya-san. An ending where talking cats,
time travelers and alien magicians can exist."
"Is there such an ending?"
"Of course! It's quite simple. All we need to do is to find a perfect explanation in the ending for
all the unreasonable events that have occurred before."
What's your explanation then?
"It is all but a dream."
"..."
We were all engulfed by a deafening silence. After a while, Koizumi spoke again,
"I'm not joking..."
I looked contemptuously at this gentleman toying with his hair parting with his fingers and said,
"You think Haruhi would accept such an explanation? She's serious about getting a prize, she
wouldn't care whether the movie's real or not. And now you're saying it's all just a dream? No
matter how dumb she is, she's not going to make a movie that stupid."
"Of course I have taken her feelings into account when making this conclusion, this is merely the
most convenient ending for us. Having her declare that the movie is nothing but a dream, a hoax,
or all made up would be the best solution possible."
For you maybe… It's probably not a bad solution for me either, but what would Haruhi think of
it? She has probably thought up a very shocking ending that she would be very pleased with.
Besides, I don't want to get involved in dream-like affairs anymore. Furthermore, I don't want to
hear you pouring out long speeches at us, which aren't fun at all anymore.
On the way home, I decided to stop by the pet food store. I bought the cheapest cat food bowl
and some cat food at a special discount price, I even asked for a receipt before stepping out of the
store. Shamisen wiped his face with his front paws and looked at me. The cat followed me as I
began to walk.
"Now listen up. When we get home, don't say a single word and behave like how a cat should
behave."
"I don't know what you mean by how cats behave, but since you have requested, I'll just have to
obey."
"Look, just don't talk to me. And answer everything with a meow."
"Meow."
My sister and mom widened their eyes at the sight of me bringing a wild cat home. I used the
excuse that I thought up of earlier which was, "His owner needed to go on a trip and has asked
me to take care of him." To which they accepted gracefully, especially my sister, who cheerfully
caressed Shamisen, while the demon-cat simply purred. Isn't that rather un-catlike for you?
After a relatively peaceful night, I still had to return to school today. I wasn't comfortable with
leaving Shamisen at home, so I brought him to school as well. As I urged him to hide inside my
bag, Shamisen replied boastfully, "All right then." And crawled into the bag. I won't let him out
till we reach the school!
It was only a few days away from the school festival, the atmosphere within the school has
begun to get more livelier as though in synchrony with Haruhi's enthusiasm. What ever happened
to yesterday's relaxed atmosphere?
The early morning was filled with the sound of musical instruments and people singing, and
there were people making signboards and notices everywhere. There were even people
wandering around in all sorts of weird costumes, I had no idea which show they were
participating in. Judging from such a situation, it wouldn't be strange if one or two sliders from a
parallel universe were to blend into this crowd. It was only the people of Class 1-5 who had no
enthusiasm whatsoever. Maybe it's because Haruhi sucked all their enthusiasm away?
When I entered the classroom, I found Haruhi already sitting on her seat and writing something
vigorously.
"So you've finally decided to write a script?"
I walked to my desk as I asked. Haruhi hummed loudly and lifted her chin highly as she replied,
"Of course not! This is the promotional flyer for the movie!"
"Let me see!"
She picked up her notebook and hovered it in front of my face.
Asahina Mikuru-chan's Precious Secret Video Collection Revealed! You'll
regret it if you miss this!
The SOS Brigade proudly presents - The most stunning movie of the year!
Come see what it's all about!
On it the above provocative words were written along with some other stuff about how the year's
going to end soon. I don't really mind this, but wouldn't it mislead people into thinking only
Asahina-san would appear in the movie? If someone can actually figure out what sort of movie
this is just by reading the above promo, I'd look at him with a new light of respect. Frankly, even
as the cameraman, I don't know what sort of movie we're making, and I never had much of a
chance to express my opinions on the topic. She's probably not sure of it herself. Nevertheless,
she sure knows how to write this many words for a flyer.
"I'm going to make copies of the flyer and give them out at the school entrance during the
festival. Hmm, the response would be great! I don't think Okabe would say anything if I wore a
bunny-girl costume during the school festival, right?"
No, I still think he would have something to say about it. This is a prefectural high school with
decently strict rules, after all. So it's better if you stop giving the school deans any more
stomachaches!
"Besides, Asahina-san has to prepare for her class's food stall. Not to mention Koizumi and
Nagato have activities with their classes as well. We'll be the only ones free that day."
Haruhi looked at me with suspicious looking eyes,
"So you're saying you want to dress up as a bunny-girl?"
How is that even possible? Just you would be enough. As for me, I'll be standing behind carrying
the promo board for you.
"By the way, you do know there's only a few days left till the school festival this Saturday and
Sunday, right?"
"Of course I do."
"Oh really? Seeing as to how relaxed you are, I would have thought that you've had the dates
confused."
"How am I relaxed? Don't you see me trying to think of more provocative words?"
"Besides advertising, shouldn't you be focused on more important matters? When's the movie
going to be finished?"
"Soon. All that's left is a few more retakes, then we'll edit the scenes together, and then we'll just
add in the background music and visual effects during post-production and we're done."
Now that's surprising. Personally I feel that the number of retakes we require far outnumber the
scenes we have already filmed. What movie was this director trying to make anyway? Not to
mention we probably need to spend even more time in post-production work, I just hope I'm
wrong.
During recess, between the third and fourth period.
"Kyon-kun!"
Her voice was so loud it could blow everyone inside the classroom into mid-air. Out of reflex, I
turned to where the voice came from, and saw Tsuruya-san sticking her head into the classroom
door. I can barely make out Asahina-san's soft hair by her side.
"Come over here."
I rushed over as though being drawn by Tsuruya-san's smile. Haruhi maintained her habit of
being out of sight from the classroom during recess, so she wasn't here then. Probably wandering
off somewhere in school. This was a great chance.
I came out to the corridor and Tsuruya-san pulled my sleeve at once and said,
"Mikuru has something to say to you!"
Asahina-san trembled as she handed me a small piece of paper,
"This... Um, it's a promotional voucher."
"That's the voucher for our class's fried noodle stall!" Tsuruya-san further explained.
I graciously received it at once. It's probably a discount voucher or something like that.
According to the printed words on the chopped voucher, I could get thirty percent off with this
when ordering noodles.
"Please do come with your friends."
Asahina-san lowered her head deeply while Tsuruya-san opened her mouth as wide as a comic
book character and smiled,
"That's all for now! See ya!"
Tsuruya-san said and prepared to leave, Asahina-san also followed suit, but then decided to come
back towards me. Tsuruya-san giggled when she saw this and stopped to wait for us.
Asahina-san clasped her fingers together and said to me,
"...Kyon-kun,"
"Yes?"
"About what Koizumi-kun said the other day, I think it's better if you don't believe like that...
Maybe you would think I have issues with Koizumi-kun if I say that... Um, I don't like it that
way as well, but..."
"You mean him calling Haruhi a God?"
If you mean that, don't worry, I don't believe him either.
"I, um... I have a different view on this, which means, um... It's different from Koizumi-kun's
explanation."
Asahina-san sighed and looked at me with her eyes opened wide,
"Suzumiya-san does indeed possess the power to change the 'present,' but I don't think she has
the ability to reconstruct the world. This world has been this way since the beginning, it's not
created by Suzumiya-san."
If that's the case... Does that mean her views are in contrast with Koizumi's?
"I believe Nagato-san thinks differently about it as well."
Asahina-san said while twirling the tip of her uniform with her fingers,
"Um... If I say this, people wouldn't feel comfortable about it, but..."
Tsuruya-san smiled looking at us as she stood from a distance, carrying the face of a mother
swallow looking forward to seeing her offspring leave the nest at last. I wonder if she's got the
wrong idea about this?
Asahina-san sounded very stiff as she said,
"Koizumi-san's views are different from ours. If I asked you to... Um... Not believe Koizumi-kun
so easily, I sound like I'm criticizing him, but..."
She frantically waved her hands,
"I'm sorry, I can't explain this properly. I'm no good in saying this... I mean..."
She kept lowering her head and then looking up at me repeatedly,
"Koizumi-kun's people have their own stance and theories, and so do we. I think Nagato-san's
the same as well, so..."
Asahina-san looked at me as though finally mustering all her courage to decide something. She's
still so cute even when she looks this serious. I trembled in joy at being able to observe her pretty
face from such a close distance. I confidently replied to her,
"I know, how could Haruhi possibly be a god?"
Instead of donating to that jerk's religion, I'd rather have Asahina-san set up a new religion and
worship her as its founder. She'd probably attract more believers this way. I'd probably make a
seal of approval just to guarantee this.
"For me, Asahina-san's explanation is much easier to understand than Koizumi's."
Asahina-san revealed a cheerful smile; I guess this is how sweet beans would look if they could
smile.
"Um, thank you. But Koizumi-kun isn't included within myself, please understand."
She said some very ambiguous words, then looked up at me, and then quickly turned around as
though trying to run away. I wasn't even trying to hug you.
Asahina-san waved gently at me, then she followed Tsuruya-san like a black duckling following
her mother and left.
We really ought to speed up our progress. I headed towards the clubroom while wondering why
I was thinking about this so seriously. I had wanted to use the computer for a while, but I didn't
expect someone would already be sitting inside, wearing her pointed hat and black cloak while
reading her book.
Before I could say anything,
"I believe this is what Asahina Mikuru thinks,"
Nagato said as though she could read my mind.
"Suzumiya Haruhi isn't the creator and was not responsible for the creation of this world. This
world has existed in this state since long ago. The supernatural existence of espers, temporal
anomalies and alien life forms wasn't created through the wishes of Suzumiya Haruhi, and has
existed since long before that. Suzumiya Haruhi's task is to unconsciously discover the existence
of these beings. She started using her abilities three years ago, but her discoveries have not led
her to become self-aware. She is able to search for the paranormal, but it contradicts with her
own views on the paranormal world. This is because one faction is still preventing her from
becoming self-aware."
She calmly spoke without even smiling. Nagato looked at me with her piercing eyes as she said
the above, she then said the following before closing her mouth,
"And that would be us."
"Asahina-san has different explanations from Koizumi. Would it become inconvenient if Haruhi
were to witness something extraordinary?"
"Yes."
Nagato turned her gaze back to her opened book, as though our conversation wasn't that much of
a big deal,
"She came to this time plane for the sake of protecting the future she came from."
I have a feeling that she's casually describing something that sounds very important.
"For Asahina Mikuru's time plane, Suzumiya Haruhi is a variable. In order to stabilize the future,
it is necessary to input the correct value. Asahina Mikuru's mission is to adjust that variable to an
acceptable value."
Nagato quietly flipped the pages without making any sound. Her emotionless black eyes didn't
even blink once as she continued,
"Koizumi Itsuki and Asahina Mikuru have different approaches in their missions regarding
Suzumiya Haruhi. They will never acknowledge each other's interpretation, since each side's
theory would threaten the very meaning of the other's existence."
Wait… didn't Koizumi say he only got his powers three years ago?
Nagato quickly answered my question,
"No one can guarantee that Koizumi Itsuki is telling the truth."
The image of his handsome smiling face flashed by in my head, true enough, no one can
guarantee that he's trustworthy. It's just that Koizumi was able to provide a decent explanation
for all the things that I've encountered so far. Who could guarantee that it's the right explanation?
Even Asahina-san told me not to believe him, but Asahina-san was the same, who could
guarantee that Asahina-san's explanation is correct?
I looked at Nagato and thought, maybe what Koizumi said wasn't true, and maybe Asahina-san
never realized that her opinion could be wrong, so perhaps only this calm alien wouldn't lie.
"So what do you think? Which is the right explanation? You mentioned something about the
possibility to self-evolve, what kind of outcome would that have?"
The bookworm wrapped all in black remained emotionless and said,
"No matter how accurately I convey it, there is no way you can find solid proof for it."
"Why's that?"
At this moment, I saw something I rarely ever see. I was stunned to see Nagato having a
confused look as she said,
"Because no one can guarantee what I say is true."
Nagato then placed down her book and left the club room, leaving this line,
"At least for you."
The chimes began to ring, signaling classes were to begin soon.
I don't get it.
How could a normal person get it?
Whether it's Koizumi or Nagato, they ought to explain things in a language that people can
understand! I even suspect whether they had intentionally made it hard for me to understand.
You two ought to take more time to organize your thoughts, or else no one is going to listen to
what you say, as the words will simply go in one ear and out the other.
As I walked with my arms crossed, a bunch of people in stateless medieval costumes walked past
me and turned into the corridor corner. If Nagato were to blend in with these people with her
black cloak, no one would suspect a thing. Maybe some class has decided to begin filming their
own science fiction movie, not wanting to let Haruhi take all the glory. That wouldn't be too bad,
at least they won't be as frustrated as I am and would happily make their movie, led by a director
with more common sense and giving sensible commands.
I sighed deeply and headed for the Class 1-5 room.
Haruhi was the only one who thought the movie production was going according to plan, while
the vertical lines just increase and darken on my face, as well as Koizumi's and Asahina-san's.
As filming progressed, many things happened along the way. For some time, the toy gun has
been spraying water bullets instead of BB bullets; Asahina-san would tremble every time Haruhi
brought a different colored contact lens (the gold ones could fire rifle bullets, while the green
ones would emit micro-black holes), and she would end up getting bitten by Nagato; the cherry
blossoms wilted the following day as soon as they had blossomed; and it seems the white
pigeons in the shrine have now morphed into the supposedly extinct passenger pigeons (as
Koizumi secretly told me); even the Earth's precession has shifted a bit (according to Nagato).
The normal world was slowly beginning to derail.
As I dragged my exhausted body home, the whiskered animal opened his mouth again,
"So is it fine as long as I keep my mouth shut in front of that energetic girl?"
The cat sat on my bed with the posture of the Sphinx.
"You sure are quite obedient," I gently grabbed on Shamisen's long tail, which eventually slid
out of my fingers.
"Since that is what you wish, though even I feel that it wouldn't be a good thing to let that girl
hear me speak."
"Well, that's right according to Koizumi."
As this cat can talk, we needed to find a plausible reason to explain why it could talk. A simple
solution is to create a world where no one would find it strange to see cats talking. But what sort
of world would that be? And what kind of cats would there be?
Shamisen yawned endlessly and tidied his tail as he said,
"There are many kinds of cats, aren't humans the same?"
I'd sure like to know what you mean by "many kinds."
"What can you do even if you knew? I don't think you can ever replace cats, nor do I think you
understand how cats think."
This is really frustrating, everything is.
As I was about to go take a bath, my sister came in saying I have a visitor.
I went downstairs wondering who it was. I never thought it would be Koizumi. I decided to go
outside the house to talk to him under the night sky. I didn't want to invite him in, or I would end
up having to hear him go on endlessly with his long speeches. Besides, I don't want to listen to
him and Shamisen simultaneously lecturing me with abstract philosophies that are difficult to
understand.
Just as I thought, Koizumi flooded me with his speeches, and in the end, he even said this,
"For Suzumiya-san, the minor details and sub-plots aren't important. I actually find this
interesting, and that was enough as well. The story lacked any resolution or tight plotting, or any
clues to a sequel, since she has after all come up with a plot in a very short time. She did not
even consider an ending, who knows, the movie might simply end without one."
What's wrong with that? So you're saying if the movie ends in such an unresolved way, this
reality would be permanently distorted and become the new reality? Haruhi must have an ending
in mind, and it must be an ending that is in line with reality. This is a problem that we must
consider, as Haruhi would never consider such stuff, and even if she does, it would only end in
disaster. So it's still better for us to do the thinking. But why must we think of such stuff? Isn't
there someone else that can carry this cursed burden for us?
"If he even exists, then yes."
Koizumi shrugged his shoulders,
"I believe he would have appeared before us long ago if he existed. So we must find a solution as
soon as possible, especially you. I look forward to seeing you work harder."
Work harder on what? Please be specific.
"Because once the fictional world becomes reality, our theories will be for naught. Maybe
Asahina-san would be affected as well, because her faction seems to have their own set of
theories. As for Nagato-san, I don't know much about her, but I guess observers usually accept
whatever outcome they obtain. Her faction would calmly accept any outcome, even if the Earth
were to disappear; as long as Suzumiya-san still exists, that would be enough for them."
The street lamps shined on Koizumi's expressionless face within the dark,
"I can honestly tell you this, the 'Organization' and Asahina-san's faction aren't the only people
whose philosophies revolve around Suzumiya-san. There are many more of them out there, so
many that I'd want to tell you about the secret battles we have fought behind the scenes, allies
that have betrayed us, and all the conspiracy and deceit, as well as the destruction and killings
that have been going on as we speak. Each faction has poured all their resources to battle each
other in order to survive."
Koizumi continued, carrying a worn-out, cynical smile,
"Even I don't find our theory to be absolutely correct; but for the current situation, there would
be no place for me if I didn't accept this theory for now. I was initially set up to be with one side,
and I am not able to switch sides. It's just like how a white chess piece cannot become a pawn for
the black side."
Why can't you use Othello and shogi as examples?
"All this probably has nothing to do with you. It's the same for Suzumiya-san, which is a good
thing, especially for Suzumiya-san. I hope that she’ll never learn about this. I don't want to leave
a scar in her heart. By my standards, Suzumiya-san possesses traits that are likeable. Of course,
you possess them as well."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"Just slipped out of my mouth, there's no particular reason. Maybe I was joking, or maybe I was
possessed by a strange thought, or maybe I'm just trying to win your sympathy. No matter, it's all
unimportant."
Indeed, it wasn't funny at all.
"I might as well tell you something else that's not really important. Have you ever thought why
Asahina Mikuru... I'm sorry, why Asahina-san would hang out with us? True, Asahina-san has
the looks of an adorable pretty girl, and I can understand how people can be moved to give her a
helping hand. You probably sympathize with what she's doing, right?"
I decided to go outside the house to talk to him under the night sky. I didn't want to invite him in, or I
would end up having to hear him go on endlessly with his long speeches.
"And what's wrong with that?"
Protecting the weak from the strong is what every person should aspire to.
"Her mission is to get close to you, which is why Asahina-san has that appearance and
personality, which happens to be your favorite type of girl - the weak and cute type. Since you
are the only person who Suzumiya-san listens to, to a certain extent, it was imperative that she
has your attention."
I fell as silent as a deep-sea fish, and recalled what Asahina-san told me half a year ago. Not the
Asahina-san now, but the Asahina-san from a further future, the adult Asahina-san. Having
called me out to meet her with a note, that Asahina-san told me, "Please don't get too close with
me." Did she tell me that after considering her own position? Or is that really her genuine
thought?
Seeing as I remained speechless, Koizumi continued in a deep voice that sounded as old as the
Jomon-sugi,
"If Asahina-san is merely playing the role of an innocent cute girl, but is in fact up to something
else, what are you going to do? She probably thinks it's easier to get your sympathy this way.
The way she looked innocent and helpless when having to put up with Suzumiya-san's
unreasonable demands, this was all part of her plan. She did all that so that she could catch your
attention."
I think this guy's totally nuts. Learning from Nagato, I replied without conveying any speck of
emotion,
"I'm sick and tired of hearing your stupid jokes."
Koizumi slowly smiled and stuck out his arms in an exaggerated manner,
"Oh, I'm sorry. Looks like I still have a long way to go at making jokes. I made all that
unreasonable stuff up just so I could fool you. Just trying to say something that would leave an
impression in your mind. Have you actually taken it seriously? Well, you've actually given me
some confidence in my acting. Now I can go into the play feeling relaxed."
He laughed deafeningly and continued,
"Our class is going to hold a Shakespearean play, 'Hamlet' to be precise. I'll be playing
Guildenstern."
Never heard of him, I'm guessing it's just a supporting character anyway.
"He was supposed to be, but half-way through rehearsals we decided to use the Tom Stoppard
version instead, so I have to appear in even more scenes now."
Well, keep up the good work. Though I had no idea there were other versions of Hamlet besides
the Shakespearean version.
"Because of Suzumiya-san's movie and my class's play, my schedule is very tight right now, so
I'm feeling the pressure already. If I look tired, that's probably the reason. I don't think I can take
it any more if a Sealed Dimension decides to appear now. That's why I came to ask you for help.
I have to ask you to think of a way to prevent Suzumiya-san's movie from becoming the source
for further paranormal events."
You mean a reasonable ending? Didn't you say we could just declare it all to be a dream?
"Just make Haruhi think that everything within her movie is just make believe... Right?"
"She must clearly be aware of it as well. She's a clever girl, as she knows that a movie is fictional
after all. I just feel it'll be best if things can go along that direction. I must let you understand that
things can't continue like this, and this has to be settled before filming ends."
I'm counting on you. Koizumi bowed to me, and then disappeared into the darkness. What the
hell man? He came just so he could shove all the responsibility onto me? Since he's already so
busy, I have to take care of the rest, is that what he's saying? If that's the case, he's found the
wrong person. This isn't a card game, and I'm not shirking responsibility either. Suzumiya Haruhi
isn't the fifty-third card. She's neither the King, nor the Ace, and she's not the Joker even.
"But..."
I mumbled to myself.
Looks like I can't leave this like that anymore. Leaving Nagato aside, Asahina-san and Koizumi
seem to be at their limits already. The world was probably the same as well… It's just that I
haven't noticed.
"Damn it..."
This is so annoying! Damn! I'm feeling frustrated as well!
I thought very hard, how could I cancel out Haruhi's wild imagination? The movie world and our
reality are two different objects, they don't interfere with each other - what should I do to make
her completely understand that? What can I do to make her once again accept what was once
taken for granted? A dream...? What else besides that?
There wasn't much time until the school festival begins.
The next day, I made a suggestion to Haruhi. After debating for a while, she finally nodded and
agreed to it.
"We're done!"
Haruhi shouted loudly while slapping her loudspeaker,
"Nice job guys! All the filming is complete now! I'd like to thank everyone for their hard work,
especially myself! Hmm, sometimes I really amaze myself, great job!"
Hearing her announcement, Asahina-san the waitress finally slumped on her knees, and felt like
weeping tears of joy. In fact, she was indeed weeping, but Haruhi had interpreted it as Asahinasan
being moved by her speech.
"Mikuru-chan, it's still too early to cry now, save your tears until we receive the Palme d'Or or
the Oscar for Best Picture! We'll reap the success together then!"
There was only a day left till the school festival. We were gathered at the rooftop of the school
complex, the filming schedule was so tight that we had no time even to eat.
The final battle between Mikuru and Yuki was put to an end by Koizumi Itsuki, who, after
suddenly becoming aware of his powers, used his incredible power to blast Yuki out to the other
side of the universe.
"This is perfect! A superb movie! Just as I expected! We'll attract lots of studios wanting to buy
this movie if we take it to Hollywood! But first we'll need to sign a contract with a smart agent!"
Haruhi's embrace of globalization was breathtaking. I don't know who would watch this movie,
the only selling point would be its female protagonist, the other cast and crew weren't even worth
mentioning. If possible, I'd like to go as Asahina-san's agent. I'm sure I could make a little bit of
commission from this. I might as well try and groom Haruhi as the next idol. Maybe I should
start by sending their photos and resumes.
"Is it finally over?"
Koizumi smiled cheerfully at me and said.
Now that pissed me off, though that free of charge smile of his suited him just well. I prefer him
this way instead of him looking melancholic, and that makes me really uncomfortable.
"When you look back, now that filming is over, it feels as though it had all happened in an
instant. Some people say time passes by quickly when one is happy, I wonder who the happy one
is?"
Who knows?
"Can I count on you to take care of the rest? Right now all I'm thinking of is the play rehearsals
for my class. Unlike a movie, you can't do retakes in a play."
Koizumi carried his usual smile, and patted me on the back of my shoulder as he whispered,
"There's one more thing I need to thank you for, on behalf of the group, as well as myself."
He then left the rooftop. Following Koizumi, Nagato quietly left as well without carrying any
emotions.
Asahina-san had her shoulders wrapped by Haruhi's arm as they looked out towards the sea in
the distance.
"Our target is Hollywood and Broadway!" she was forced to shout out loudly. It's a good thing to
have a great ambition, but if you go along the direction you're currently facing, you'll end up in
Australia instead.
"Sigh."
I sighed and sat down, putting the camera by my side. For Koizumi, Nagato and Asahina-san,
things may well be over; but for me, the problems have merely begun. There were still things to
do.
Someone needs to find a way to convert this massive footage, which is basically a pile of
worthless junk data, into a "movie." And who's in charge of that? I didn't even have to guess.
On Friday evening, only Haruhi and I remained in the clubroom, while the other three went to
work on their respective classes' activities.
While it was good that filming was complete, it had dragged on for too long, and there was little
time left to deal with other matters. After uploading the footage onto the computer and
repeatedly viewing it, I came to a conclusion - this was basically a cheap promo-video for
Asahina Mikuru.
To be frank, until the very end I still had no idea what sort of movie Haruhi had made. The
waitress, the girl of death, and the young man grinning like an idiot all the time, just what was
wrong with their heads? And there simply wasn't enough time to work on the post-production,
like visual effects, not to mention we don't have the skills to do it. Looks like we'll just have to
release this raw footage without going through any editing.
Haruhi began to pout,
"How could you show something that isn't even complete? Don't you have a solution?"
Are you talking to me?
"Rushing me won't help, the school festival's tomorrow, and I'm already trying my best. It's
already a headache for me to splice together all the scenes that you thought up in an instant. I
don't feel like watching any movies right now."
But Haruhi was good at quashing other people's opinions instantaneously,
"Wouldn't you be able to make it if you stayed up all night?"
Who's going to stay up? I didn't ask that, because right now there was only me, and Haruhi
looking straight at me with her black sandalwood-like eyes.
"We could just stay here tonight,"
Haruhi then said something that made me very surprised,
"I'll help you."
Judging from the result, Haruhi never helped much. For a while she stood mumbling behind me,
but within an hour, she was already lying asleep on the table. Really, I felt like filming her in her
sleep. I could place the image of her sleeping in the movie's ending.
I might as well tell you, it seems I too have fallen asleep after a while. Because by the time I
opened my eyes, the sun had already risen, and the keyboard was imprinted onto half of my face.
So, staying up last night had no meaning whatsoever, the movie was still incomplete. I tried all
ways to edit here and there, trying to make out a thirty minute movie, but it still looked like a
piece of pathetic trash. I guess this is what a movie would look like when made by an impulsive
amateur. It could have been fine if it only showed Asahina-san doing the shopping street
commercials in her bunny-girl costume, but as the whole thing was cut and pasted together
sloppily, pulling together a story that was pretty much non-existent, the movie was just
unbearable. In the end, the movie wasn't edited, and visual effects weren't even added, it was just
a hilariously rubbish movie. I don't think even Taniguchi would want to watch that.
I wanted to throw the computer out of the window, but the sunlight shining in caused me to
squint my eyes. As I spent the whole night sleeping in an unnatural pose, I now felt aches all
over my body.
It was six-thirty when I was awakened by Haruhi, who had gotten up before me. Now that I think
about it, this was the first time I spent the night at school.
"Hey, so how'd it go?"
Haruhi looked at the screen over my shoulder, so I moved the mouse and clicked on the screen.
"...Wow!"
Haruhi exclaimed delightedly, while I widened my jaw in shock. Our movie title was revealed in
an impressive CG background. "The Adventure of Asahina Mikuru-chan Episode 00" then
began. Though the story was very inconsistent, the lines could barely be heard, the camera could
be seen shaking, even the director yelling was shown in the footage, but it seems to have reached
a certain level for a movie made by high school students. Not only were there lasers shooting
from Asahina-san's eyes, even Nagato's wands emitted beams with strange colors.
"Heh heh."
Even Haruhi was impressed,
"Not bad at all! It's not perfect, but it shows you can still come up with something as long as you
put your heart into it."
It wasn't me. It was probably someone else who did this while I was sleeping, there was no way I
could do this. The most likely suspect was Nagato, followed by Koizumi. Asahina-san was out of
the question. Or it could be a mysterious person who has yet to appear? That has to be it.
For some time, we quietly watched the movie that somehow managed to edit itself. If it weren't
for this small screen... I'm sure our impression would be even greater if we saw it on a larger
screen.
The movie on the screen now showed its final scene, Koizumi and Asahina-san walked hand-inhand
under the path with cherry blossom petals fluttering about. The camera then panned up and
faced the clear blue sky, whereupon the ending theme then began to play as the credits started
rolling out.
Finally, there was Haruhi's disclaimer.
It was a disclaimer that I convinced Haruhi to do at all costs. I told her that she must include this
crucial element at the end of the movie, and it had to be done by the director herself.
It was a magical disclaimer that would eliminate all of the problems created:
"The events depicted in this movie are fictitious. It has nothing to do with any person,
organization, and any other known terms and phenomena. It's all made up nonsense. Any
resemblance to the above is purely coincidental. Oh, the commercials are different. Please give
your support to Oomori Electronics and the Yamatsuchi Model Store! Huh? You want me to
repeat it? The events depicted in this movie are fictitious. It has nothing to do with any person,
organization... Kyon, why do I have to say this? Isn’t it obvious?"
(Chapter 5 end)
